Butchers of Music - Part I
Read the companion piece to this blog entry here.I swear to you that music continues to sink into an impenetrable morass of stupidity and incompetence. I almost dread the next song on the radio; my brain cells huddle together like a herd of elk after sniffing the scent of lions on the breeze.
I cannot take this lobotomized assault on an art form that actually inspired changes in the political and social landscapes just a few short years ago.
The latest criminal: FERGIE
The former "singer" for Black Eyed Peas has apparently decided to conduct tests to see how many CD's her breast implants can sell to masturbatory boys and cheerleaders. If only she would have let her breast implants write the songs and perform them, then she might not have made this dubious list.
Try, if you can, to stomach this "song," which happens to be the musical equivalent of ASS:
For those of you who were unable to fathom the mind-bending, life-altering, cosmologically-important lyrics contained in the "chorus," I reprint them here with kind permission:
"How come every time you come around my London, London Bridge wanna go down? Like London, London, London - wanna go down like - London, London, London."Ah, yes. Thank you, Fergie, for continuing the pedigree of songwriting craft handed down to you and you alone from the greats of yesteryear. I have no doubt that somewhere Maya Angelou is wrapping up her poet laureate award and sending it to you, her head hung in shame. Your brilliant words, timeless and untouchable, humiliate the efforts of all who have come before you. John Lennon and Kurt Cobain are probably glad they're dead, and therefore spared the agony of trying to top you.
One question - what the fuck does any of that shit MEAN?? And why, oh why, do you speak these lyrics in a "song" on the radio which contains no MUSIC?? Drum patterns are NOT MUSIC!! Figure it out, you dumb bitch!!
In order to to really set my stomach on edge, here is Fergie's latest shit-covered spear of a song, which she is currently thrusting lustily into the gut of music:Please note that the chorus of this song consists entirely of a black man spelling the word "delicious." Fascinating.
Oh yeah, and also note that this song also contains NO MUSIC. Drum patterns are NOT MUSIC.
Ugh. Patsy Cline flies into a mountain and dies. Mama Cass gags on a ham sandwich. Hendrix and Morrison overdose. Even goddamn Elvis gained 600 pounds and dropped dead on the shitter. And yet, Fergie lives on and on.
Time to load a gun.
posted by sammyray @ 8:01 AM
16 comments
16 Comments:
OK, so the only thing more repulsive than Fergilicious the song is Fergilicious the video. I saw it yesterday on VH1 as part of my self-imposed Current Culture Studies course.
Fergie is nothing if not a plastic-surgeon's dream and her songs are so lame not even a cameo by Will I Am can carry the. And yet, they rise in the charts. I feel your pain. And your confusion.
Although that crap is not at all interesting to me theres no question that it is indeed music. The very definition of music is a sound made by man that is proclaimed to be music. Finger snap, burp, beep beep, it's all music albeit not of much interest to anyone who has a working brain. I had no knowledge of this woman before I saw the videos on your sight. Yes, I live in a box. I did enjoy the experience, dazzling colors, people acting silly, vibrations that at least don't hurt my ears that kill the silence and porn I don't feel ashamed watching. I think what is really bothering you sammyray, is not the crappy music that is being produced like it was pumped out by a rapideograph machine, it's the massive amount of sheep that support it. Hopefully there will come a time in these blind and deaf consumers life that they realize they have wasted vast amounts of precious time indulging is something that is little more than NO2.
@ Morgan: Thanks for your reassurances and support. Your comforting words are always a balm to me.
@ Konig: I agree. The audiences for this shit share the blame. I guess Fergie should be commended for living, leech-like, off of their stupidity.
Oh my, I am either as old as the hills or a total recluse because until today I thought Fergie was someone related to royalty, not a musician. Ugh... I'll stick to my Stevie Ray Vaughn, Janis Joplin, Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath & Grateful Dead LOL.
PS~ Having been to many drum circles I can tell you that drums can indeed create beautiful soulful & harmonious music.
Peace to you SammyRay & Happy Thanksgiving
SkinnyLittleBlonde,
She's a former Black-Eyed Peas singer. The Peas are an OK group. I like a lot of their stuff, although technically I'm over the hill and shouldn't be listening to it. :-)
Fergie named her new solo album "Duchess," which apparently pissed off the Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson.
Of course, Sammyray, if you want something to turn you off of Fergie even more, just read this:
http://www.popularq.com/articles/Celebrity-Gossip/General/Black-Eyed-Peas-singer-Fergie-peed-on-stage/
Apparently Fergie had a little potty accident on stage. There are pictures of it on the Net. The link I sent is just the text, which is enough for me thank you very much.
Stevie Ray Vaughan
@ Morgan: That doesn't turn me off ;)
@ Wooz: He's better off dead.
Why? Guitar "twiddling" doesn't do anything for you?
@ Morgan: That doesn't turn me off ;)
Hey, baby, whatever floats your boat. I guess you're not the only guy who would appreciate a golden shower from Fergie. Me, I may be a freak but even I have limits. I think that just might be it.
"I cannot take this lobotomized assault on an art form that actually inspired changes in the political and social landscapes just a few short years ago."
Crap has always existed, even during the late 1960's heyday of political protest music. Sha Na Na played Woodstock for fuckssake.
@ Scorpio: Well duuuhhhh. However, I don't think we've ever seen a time like this when shit is CELEBRATED. Hell, even the guys in Sha Na Na, while almost completely brain-dead, could at least SING.
Singing talent doesn't have much to do with being a modern day pop star, now does it?
It only seems more celebrated now because there are more methods for exploitation and coverage than in the past.
Licensing of song and image to products, video tv channels, internet music sites, blogs...
Duh.
Scorp, no doubt that the avenues you mentioned have increased our awareness of music - but thirty years ago, a performer had to either have musical ability, lyrical ability, or singing ability.
Today, you need tits/bling and a backbeat.
So no, I do not agree with you. Yes, the music industry has always been about money, and yes, the music business has always had its share of talentless hacks. But today, such mediocrity - hell, it's not even mediocre - is celebrated and awarded with hits and money by the dipshit kids today whose tastes have been watered down.
Fergie could not have competed musically in the radical sixties, the dippy, tuneful seventies, or even the one-hit wonder eighties. Those decades each have their drawbacks, but at least the top of the chart songs had basic qualities like MUSIC and MELODIES. Take a look at the charts today and tell me that what the kids are listening to is the same - it simply is not.
Has it occurred to you you're probably sounding just like your parents right about now?
"Kids today..."
The "dipshit kids" premise is purely American. I can promise you that. Just like, if all they see is WalMart, that's where they'll shop. Not really their fault...blame it on corporate America owning all the radio stations and shoving the crap down their throats.
And actually, Bob Dylan is at the top of the charts right now.
London Bridge is a thick/thin patch of pubic hair, kind of like a female snail trail.
Fergie was smart to release this at the peak of Black Eyed Peas, which I have to admit are a good R&B group.
She is just twat.
"Has it occurred to you you're probably sounding just like your parents right about now?"
Blech. I'm sure I do sometimes, even though I have the same music on my iPod as my oldest kids, ages 20 and 21. I don't admit to some of it. If someone I respected got ahold of my iPod and found out I had a PCD song on there I'm pretty sure I'd fall through the floor in sheer embarrassment.
But I agree, scorpio, that kids are more savvy today and are more eclectic in their musical tastes than I was at that age. I was a teen in the 80's and when I hear some of the stuff I used to like I cringe. Kids today like a lot of crossover stuff and are really open-minded. My husband loves classic rock and our two youngest kids like a lot of 70's stuff.
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