The Uriniversal Question

For all of you "people" who keep saying that baseball is BORING, I give you this:

CHESS. The game one can play from a BATHROOM.

Yes, the charismatic, darkly handsome Vladimir Kramnik has been accused of cheating in his dramatic, edge-of-your-seat championship round with Veselin Topalov (is there a chess player on planet Earth with a last name that has fewer than 15 syllables? No? How about one that does not contain every single letter in the alphabet?).

His crime? Taking about 50 bathroom breaks to allegedly consult a chess computer.

http://www.sptimes.ru/index.php?action_id=2&story_id=19031

To normal, average human beings, such a story might be met with a shrug, or perhaps a resigned "who gives a shit." But to the above-average (i.e. everyone who loves chess), such a controversy would rival even the greatest questions of our day. Historical ruminations such as "Is there a God?" or "Why am I here?" pale in significance before the all-consuming question of whether Kramnik played Playstation 2 while he took a shit. To believers, not only does this controversy threaten to destroy Europe, Asia, and civilization as a whole, but it may also signal doomsday and unravel the very fabric of space and time.

Unfortunately, no comment on this seething controversy has come from the greatest mind of this or any generation, a man whose thoughts are so profound that God himself disintegrated at his birth: Gary Kasparov. No doubt he was too busy sucking his mother's tit.

Baseball is boring? Gimme a break.