Monday, October 16, 2006

The Uriniversal Question

For all of you "people" who keep saying that baseball is BORING, I give you this:

CHESS. The game one can play from a BATHROOM.

Yes, the charismatic, darkly handsome Vladimir Kramnik has been accused of cheating in his dramatic, edge-of-your-seat championship round with Veselin Topalov (is there a chess player on planet Earth with a last name that has fewer than 15 syllables? No? How about one that does not contain every single letter in the alphabet?).

His crime? Taking about 50 bathroom breaks to allegedly consult a chess computer.

http://www.sptimes.ru/index.php?action_id=2&story_id=19031

To normal, average human beings, such a story might be met with a shrug, or perhaps a resigned "who gives a shit." But to the above-average (i.e. everyone who loves chess), such a controversy would rival even the greatest questions of our day. Historical ruminations such as "Is there a God?" or "Why am I here?" pale in significance before the all-consuming question of whether Kramnik played Playstation 2 while he took a shit. To believers, not only does this controversy threaten to destroy Europe, Asia, and civilization as a whole, but it may also signal doomsday and unravel the very fabric of space and time.

Unfortunately, no comment on this seething controversy has come from the greatest mind of this or any generation, a man whose thoughts are so profound that God himself disintegrated at his birth: Gary Kasparov. No doubt he was too busy sucking his mother's tit.

Baseball is boring? Gimme a break.

7 Comments:

At 9:43 PM, Blogger Julene said...

So there is something more boring than baseball. Who knew?

 
At 2:18 AM, Blogger Kshitij L said...

In his bathroom consultations
Accompanied by bowel movements
He hath consulted
And acted on advice giveon thereof
A master of the game
A Terrible Fish.

 
At 3:54 AM, Blogger Me said...

Great entry Sammy. I recall reading about this recently, I found it interesting. Was even going to feature it on DoaS but didn't think anyone would relate.

Good deal, matey.

:)

 
At 5:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is a Krammnik in the toilet and it is festering. Seriously, there was no cheating going on. The games were full of blunders which are the result of a long struggle. Computers do not blunder. Topolov was losing the match and was trying to throw Krammnik off his game. It didn't work, he lost. Now go back to bashing George Bush and Bill Dewitt. Leave Kasparov alone.He is going to be russian president someday, and a fine one at that. That is if Putins cronies don't assinate him first!

 
At 12:12 PM, Blogger Mo Diggs said...

What do you say to those who are equally bored with baseball and chess?

 
At 1:50 PM, Blogger sammyray said...

Suspect: Interesting poem.

Orhan: Nobody can relate. Good call on your part LOL

MO!: You must have SOMETHING you like...

Scott: CHESS DORK!!!

 
At 1:48 PM, Blogger Woozie said...

Baseball AND Chess are boring. Happy?

 

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