Accomodate What?

What is this little gizmo, you ask? Why, it's "The Accomodator!"

Truly, I think we can officially say that there is no sex toy left to invent.

The trip to the porno shop to purchase this must be an excruciating one. A long time ago, a guy could break out in a cold sweat trying to buy condoms, or perhaps a leather strap. Try dropping this sucker on the counter without fainting, shaking uncontrollably, or running full-speed out the front door. Thank goodness for the internet. No longer do we need dark sunglasses and a trenchcoat to get an "Accomodator." We can sit in our undies and order it unashamedly, and then imagine having a dick for a chin as we beat off into our hand. At least that's what I did when I ordered mine.

Frankly, though, I have no idea how this thing even works. Let's imagine you're a guy (some need more imagination than others), and you want to lovingly and tenderly eat your wife's slit (puke). I guess that contraption goes in her ass??? And believe me, you do not want to fuck her pussy from behind with this thing strapped to your face; you're liable to get a snout-full of stink.

The only reasonable use for this grotesque product might come on Halloween, when you go to an adult Halloween party dressed as a dildohead. Just please do not wear it around the neighborhood searching for candy. Otherwise, the only people you will scare are the police, and they have bigger and harder sticks than the dick on your face with which to beat you.

See y'all on Halloween! Damn, my accomodator's gettin' hard just thinkin' about it!