Fuck Vonage

Damn phone companies. I swear they are trying to put me in the cold, hard ground.

For the last four years I have been an unhappy customer of Cingular Wireless. How could I ever be happy? My "plan" with Cingular, quoted to me at $79.99 a month, has never cost me less than $130.00. EVER. I have 1350 anytime minutes, free nights and weekends, and 200 text messages included in this plan. What apparently is not included in this plan is the sixty dollar cell phone usage donation, which they call "taxes" and "local usage fees." Basically, the "plan" is designed to destroy me.

The plan was succeeding, so I decided to cancel my cell phone subscription and move to a land-line courtesy of Vonage. Everything seemed perfect during my initial conversation with a pleasant young lady. The plan would cost $19.99, and that includes free answering, free caller ID, and free long distance. All they would need, she said, was up to twenty days to transfer my 314-397-2878 cell phone number to Vonage.

That was on August 3, 2006.

Today (September 18, 2006 - 15 days after my 30 day money back guarantee expired) I spent three long hours screaming at people in various chains of command at Vonage. The reason for my, um, displeasure arose from the fact that they never transferred my number, which today was suspended by Cingular due to non-payment. You see, since Vonage never transferred my number as they promised, Cingular kept me as an (unhappy) customer and continued my cell phone service. Which means, if I want a phone, I need to pay another $130.00 to Cingular to restart my service.

So I explained, first calmly and then at hurricane strength, that Vonage owed Cingular $130.00 because they didn't hold up their end of our agreement. Due to their utter incompetence, I went into another billing cycle and became liable for that payment. I tried to use every avenue of rational thought, including blind-rage obscenities, to explain to everyone there that I would never have owed that money if they had performed their job correctly.

They, of course, disagreed. While they admit that they did absolutely nothing correct, they can do nothing more than offer me a $10.00 credit on my account with them. The $130.00?? Well, I bet you can guess the person they suggested should pay that amount (HINT: not them).

The good people at Vonage can french kiss my ass. I would rather use carrier pidgeons, bird shit and all, before I would ever use their unprofessional service. The idiot college dropouts that obviously run their "phone company" out of their parents' basement should not earn one damn dime for their shocking incompetence.

This is the 21st century, Vonage! There are too many options out there to be so terrible at your job!

So if any of you need me, send up a smoke signal.

P.S. Go fuck yourself, Vonage!!!!!!!